To get a 3D ultrasound or not to get a 3d ultrasound.. that is the question.

When considering whether or not to have a 3D ultrasound, the two main factors in my decision was a) would it harm my baby and b) how much would it cost. After speaking to my midwife about what I read in a bunch of google about how it can really mess up your baby, I was assured that it would be fine (I was only planning on doing a short one for pictures!) and to stop reading posts from crazy people. So.. now to consider price.

A lot of places will take you for all your worth when it comes to 3D ultrasounds (at least here in Canada)... I have friends who have paid hundreds of dollars for it and came out happy that they did. I on the other hand refused to pay the ridiculous prices I kept seeing. After a bit of research (aka a lot of Googling), I found a few places around the GTA offering deals on certain days and settled on one place that did a 20 minute ultrasound with gender determination and a couple printed pictures for $99 if you booked on a Tuesday.

 I will never forget seeing Mila's big cheeks for the first time during that ultrasound and finding out that I was having a girl. I had always thought that the babies in the ultrasounds would look like little aliens, and while she did have alien like looks to her, she was completely and utterly a baby. I watched as she yawned and moved her little arms and legs around and even snuggled into the placenta. It's honestly an experience that, while expensive, is totally worth a sneak peek at the little one growing inside of you.

The detail in this 3D ultrasound photo still amazes me today... I had to take a picture of Mila at the same age after birth and compare.

If you do end up going, the best time to do so is between 24 and 30 weeks. This way you get to see all the features and it makes for a more interesting ultrasound as they are active and still have room to move around.. which is really cool to watch.

To me, the 3D ultrasound was completely worth it, even being the cheapo I am. I got an experience I'll never forget and I was able to for SURE know that I was having a girl (and therefore go shopping!).

Baby on a Budget: Buying for the first year

When I was pregnant, I spent a lot of time online, researching things that I needed. I wanted to know all the must haves so that I could buy everything ahead of time, then I added tons of stuff to my registry in hopes people would actually look at it (my coworkers were to only ones that did, and it was cause one of my closer friends there made sure they did haha). Anyways, looking back there are a ton of things I wish I had either bought, bought more of, and things I wish I left out completely.

Things you realistically need for baby:

Feeding

  - Microwave Sterilizer - You may not have to sterilize for that long (6 months or so, depends on you) but seriously, this is a MUST!! Boiling the bottles is a HUGE pain, get one of these and it saves you tons of time, and believe me when your time is limited, 10 minutes makes a big difference. This item is for breastfeeding or not, they're good for pacifiers etc too.
  - Feeding pillow - A lot of websites advertise this as an absolute need, and it was one of the first things I ran out and bought.. yeah.. we hardly used it. If I needed something to support my arm I was more likely ready to reach for a regular pillow or a couple blankets.. so this is a luxury, it's up to you whether you want this or not.
  - Bibs - Sure your baby may not be drooling all that much in the beginning, or making all that much of a mess.. but they will. And what a mess it will be.
  - Sippy cups - They may not take it at first, but eventually around a 1+, you're going to need a few of these babes. If your LO likes drinking from a cup, Sassy has really great sippy cups that look like actual cups.. super cool.

  - Spoons - Babies are going to eat eventually. I've mainly done baby led weaning but these still come in handy every so often.

  - Suction cup bowls/plates - So they can't whip them off the table.

  - Travel Booster WITH tray - This is a great item for a car, once they are eating solids and you go visiting, it is way easier to have this in the car and ready to go then to try and seat them on your lap. This one is my choice booster: http://www.toysrus.ca/product/index.jsp?productId=2687904

  - High Chair - Makes life hella easier, particularly if you can fold it away.

  - Receiving Blankets - I honestly didn't end up using these all that often but I know friends who couldn't live without them so I've added it to the list.

1) Breastfeeding accessories:

  - Lanolin

  - BREAST PADS! (whether or not you breastfeed, you are still going to need these for a while)

  - Hot/Cold packs that can fit inside your bra (Sorry to tell you, but the first week sucks... them boobies gonna hurt... a lot)

  - Breast pump (I ended up exclusively pumping for 3 months, so I'd recommend a double since you can cut down on pumping time... however most of the time you will just be using it to relieve some of the milk when engorged, or so that you have some stored for when you eventually want to venture out of the house.. so if you aren't planning on using it too much, just go with a single)

  - Breast milk bags

2) Formula feeding:
  - Formula.. some babies need to try a few to find one that really suits them so sign up with all the formula companies and they will send you free samples. We ended up preferring PC and Kirkland over the rest. Remember, just because they have a brand name doesn't automatically make them better. Here in Canada, the government heavily regulates this type of stuff and companies producing formula are required to have certain things in their formula, while disallowing others. PC and Kirkland are actually VERY close to Enfamil, without the price tag.. in fact Kirkland is $23 for double the amount of formula that you would get for $30 worth of Enfamil (with the Omega 3 etc... which studies show they don't actually need.. but that's a whole other topic). PC is around $20 for the same size as the $30 Enfamil, however it often goes on sale for $12.97, which is a fantastic deal.
  - Bottles - this one is also tricky, some babies will take certain bottles, while others may hate them. To deal with this, I bought about 5 different bottles all different, and all recommended by moms as being 'the best'. My baby liked the nipples on the Playtex Ventaire and Dr.Brown bottles. And although the anti-gas builds on both of those bottles can be useful for newborns and babies who have colic.. they ended up being a pain the ass for cleaning! I ended up getting a few of the no name bottles at my baby shower, and although I was skeptical at first, I use those more than I've ever used any of the brand named bottles... they're just way easier to clean!
   - Bottle brushes - I've seen people recommend changing the brushes every three months but since I buy the ones with the sponge tops, I end up changing them monthly. You can buy Fisher Price ones for about $1.50 at Dollarama and they're honestly the same thing as the $5 ones from Toys R Us.

Diapering:

  - Diapers! - Stockpile these, see my other post to see how I did it.
  - Wipes - I'd get one of the big boxes of wipes with 800 wipes in it or so. I would also just get normal cloths, or some type of soft throw away cloths (at the hospital they were called patient cleaners). Honestly, I'm not a big fan of putting that much chemicals on your babies bum. Mila was getting chronic diaper rashes until I stopped using the store bought ones for pee diapers and saved them only for poop. She rarely gets rashes now.
  - Changing Pad - This one is optional. I did not buy one of these, and really, I don't think they are necessary, I just change Mila on her crib, or the bed, or the couch etc. Many of my friends who have bought them said they didn't actually end up using them all that often either. But if you think you'll use them, buy away.

  - Diaper rash cream - I like really thick stuff that sticks to the butt better (think Zincofax.. doesn't have to be name brand).. and I have mixed it with a bit of corn starch to thicken it up further when Mila has had some really bad rashes. Diaper Fix cream is also really good, I got a few trials at the last BabyTime Show here in Toronto and it really helped clear up any rashes within a day or two. On a side note, you can also skip getting rash cream all together and opt for coconut oil, which is also really good for moisturizing skin.

Sleeping

  - Swaddling Blanket - I found these great little blankets at Winners and Babies R Us that had velcro to swaddle your baby nice and tight (and warm!). They got them nice and snuggly really really fast, and they are realllyy easy. I loved ours!
  - Normal Blankets - Good for when they fall asleep everywhere but their crib, also just goot to have as babies get cold pretty easily
  - Wearable Blankets - As you know, blankets really shouldn't be in the crib until they're older, the wearable blankets by Halo are warm, zip up easily, and reduce SIDS. I bought mine for really cheap at Winners, I think like $12 each
  - Crib Sheets - I bought about 5 or so of these. I preferred the ones without patterns because it's easier to see any puke and other nastiness on them

Health and Safety

  - Snot Sucker - Honestly one of the most useful things I have for when Mila gets sick. The whole concept is kind of gross but they work WAY better than a nasal aspirator.. which takes out minimal boogers with 10x the stress on both you and baby. http://www.fridababy.com/shop/nosefrida/

  - Baby Tylenol - Lifesaver... seriously.
  - Saline - Also useful for colds, and pretty much everything else. When Mila's eyes were draining a lot the nurses put it on it, when she has a cold, it's good for loosening boogers. I can't even think of the other thing's we've used it for but it's useful to have around.
  - Digital Thermometer - I have both the pacifier version and the regular version. If your baby likes a pacifier that one is REALLY convenient, however when Mila decided she no longer wanted one, she puked when I tried to use it... sooo.. yeah, we went out and bought a normal one.
  - Nail Clippers - Babies don't have nails, they have claws... these are necessary when they get older. ( I just bit them off in the beginning)
  - Laundry Detergent - Sensitive, no scents.. doesn't need to be super fancy.
  - Gripe Water - Useful to have around, particularly if your baby has gas or is colic.
  - Outlet Covers - For some reason, babies are danger prone and think outlets are the PERFECT place for their little fingers to try and go.
  - Safety gates - We keep her enclosed in the living room so she can't go wander and eat dog kibbles.. also useful for stairs (top and bottom)
  - Baby monitor - We didn't actually use the one we got all that often BUT our room is right beside hers... so if you don't wake up easily or your room is far away, this is pretty useful.
  - Cupboard latches - Also really good for nosey dogs.
  - Pacifier medicine dispenser - Very useful if they need to take something by mouth and refuse it.
  - Shampoo and Baby wash - I just use Johnsons, but with all the controversy surrounding it I know a lot of moms have switched to other brands. So if you are opposed to Johnsons, I have heard that Liveclean and Aveeno are really good :)
  - Cloths - You really don't need baby cloths, they're really small and it's easier to just use the regular cloths
  - Towels - Baby towels are soft, but kind of outlive their usefulness really quickly. It's just as easy to use soft adult towels on your baby... I couldn't help myself from buying a cute animal hat towel though, and literally squeeled when I received a little hippo towel robe from a friend... so cute!
  - Baby Bathtub - It's really unnecessary to go out and buy one of those big fancy $100 baby bathtubs that they will only use for 6 months. I got a little one with a sling built in and it was great, and used often until she was about 6 months old ($30).. then I either rolled up a towel under her head and laid her on the bottom of the tub, or she just sat up on her own... much easier! I think next time I'll just buy the little $10 sling for the bathtub for the newborn stage.

Keep Yourself Sane

  - Exersaucer (aka the circle of neglect) - GREAT item. Keeps them entertained so you can do things around the house, or just have a few minutes to yourself

  - Bouncer - Really good for putting them to sleep and calming them down sometimes.

  - Play Mat - Another way of saving your sanity is to plop your baby on these soft mats with hanging toys dangling above their heads. There is a certain amount of time where your baby really can't do much, and these keep them occupied sometimes during that immobile state.

  - Swing - Mila loved her swing, other babies didn't. This is the type of item that's really up to the discretion of the parent but it's also one of those nice items that can put your baby to sleep or keep them entertained.

  - Playpen - I preferred the one with the built in bassinet etc. We used it in our room so that it was easier to feed her in the middle of the night, and sometimes in the living room for a quick nap. And now that she's older and hates the exersaucer, we put some toys in it and she hangs out in there when we need to do something... also great for when you have to go somewhere overnight.. honestly just a great investment.

  - Pacifiers - Don't knock it till you try it. Sometimes they're just really useful. Mila used one until she was 3 months old.. and it saved our sanities on more then one occasion. A lot of babies I know preferred the one by Avent, Mila really didn't like too many other ones: http://www.walmart.ca/en/ip/philips-avent-scf19007-bpa-free-soothie-pacifier-green-0-3-months-2-pack/6000072577703

  - Toys - I liked Lamaze toys, even though she really didn't care about them all that much. In the beginning she REALLY loved the twirly whirly toy for the carseat (http://www.toysrus.ca/product/index.jsp?productId=3689110&prodFindSrc=search&foreSeeBrowseSampling=15&foreSeeBrowseLoyalty=1&foreSeeEnabled=true). At 11 months old she is dragging around teddy bears as she crawls around, and LOVE the noisy push button toys most parents hate (but I love because she has fun with them). 

  - Teethers - Babies are pretty miserable when they're teething, something soft and squishy (and maybe even freezable) are pretty good for their little sensitive mouths to chew on.

  - Books - Preferably the indestructible version. I believe it is good for babies to hear stories, and we generally read to Mila before bed or if she's really cranky.

Big Purchases

  - Carseat - I bought a Snugride 30 bucket seat initially as it is really easy to lug baby in and out of the house in it... once she got to about 15lbs though it got harder and harder to carry her in. Now that she is bigger she is in a covertible carseat (Safety 1st Alpha Omega), which we got on sale for $99 at Walmart, down from $180. We will keep her rear facing until she is at least 2... even if it is inconvenient.

  - Crib - Walmart usually has cribs on sale once a year in the summer time. We got our 4 in 1 for $125 down from $200 and we've seen even cheaper ones.

  - Crib Mattress - You really don't need to pay $200 for one of these, I think ours was like $50 and she sleeps great

  - Dresser - For Mila's clothes and blankets etc. we purchased an Expedit unit from Ikea with a ton of the $5.99 boxes. They're deep and they hold a lot of clothes and toys etc.. well worth the purchase.

Clothing

  - Onesies - About 7 of each size... they are really useful since they wear them constantly

  - Sleepers - 5 to 7 of each size, I like to buy thinner ones for the spring to fall season and nice fuzzy ones for the winter and cold nights.

  - Pants - I realllyyy like the little leggings they have for girls, they are really easy to pull on and off. Also, you can get jeans with adjustable waists, which are useful if you have a baby who needs longer legs but their waist really isn't big enough to upgrade to the next size.

  - Socks - In the summer I really didn't put socks on Mila all too often, but kept a pair in her diaper bag just in case. In the winter however she always has socks on since her little feet get cold really easily.

  - Outerwear - Okay, so this is a tough one. I really like the one piece suits that keep them really warm, however I have friends who prefer the two piece snow suits. Now, this is where is gets tricky. It is not recommended to put a baby in a puffy jacket in a carseat.. this is because if you get in to an accident, the pressure from the stop will push the jacket in and the belt that was tight on your baby over the puffyness, won't be anymore. And since I can't bring Mila out in nothing, I prefer to buy a one piece fleece suit... it keeps her warm but it's super puffy and therefore I'm not so concerned about the safety of it in her car seat. I keep the big puffy ones for when we'll go outside in the snow to play etc.

  - Shoes - Shoes are cute, but a pain in the ass. Mila hates stuff on her feet.. the only ones I have really found that stay one are Robeeze styles, otherwise she just kicks them off within minutes.

  - Hats and Mittens - Babies lose their heat from their head pretty quickly so we always keep a hate around just in case... and in the cold I like the have something on her little fingers. For mittens, the ones without thumbs are really great because otherwise they just don't get that they need to put their thumbs in the holes and it's just more of a pain.

Now that I've talked about WHY each item is useful, I've gone through and just written a list for you to copy and paste :)

Feeding

Sterilizer

Feeding Pillow

Bibs (5)

Spoons

Suction Cup Bowls/Plates

Travel Booster with Tray

High Chair

Receiving Blankets (5 to 10)

Breastfeeding

Breast Pump

Lanolin

Breast Pads

Hot/Cold packs

Breast Milk Bags

Formula

Formula Samples

Bottles

Bottle Brushes

Diapering

Diapers

Wipes

Changing Pad + Cover

Diaper Rash Cream

Sleeping

Swaddling Blankets

Normal Blankets

Wearable Blankets

Crib Sheets

Health and Safety
Snot Sucker
Baby Tylenol
Saline
Gripe Water
Digital Thermometer (Or pacifier thermometer)
Nail Clippers
Laundry Detergent
Outlet Covers
Safety Gates
Baby Monitor
Cupboard Latches

Pacifier Medicine Dispenser

Shampoo

Baby Wash

Towels

Cloths

Bathtub/Sling

Sanity Items

Exersaucer

Bouncer/ Vibrator

Play Mat

Swing

Pacifiers

Toys

Teethers

Books

Big Ticket Items

Crib

Crib Mattress

Dresser

Clothing

Onesies (7)

Sleepers (5-7)

Pants (5)

Socks (8)

Coat/ Snow suit/ Fleece suit

Shoes

Mittens

Hats

Baby on a Budget - Diaper Stockpiling

When I first got pregnant, my boyfriend and I were pretty scared, not only because of the responsibility involved with having a child, but the financial impacts. Googling 'cost of raising a child' came back with figures that almost made me pass out! According to moneysense.ca the cost of raising a child in Canada is $243, 660 over an 18 year period... WHAT?! So dividing that by 216 months (18 years * 12 months in a year) that totals an average of $1128.06 a month... that's almost as much as I make!!

Needless to say, I was pretty determined that I would not spend nearly that much, and come maternity leave, I wanted to have a majority of the supplies needed to take care of my child without having to run out to the store for quite some time. Now, in order to accomplish that I needed to find out what exactly we needed, and how much of it. Diapers were obviously on my top lists of things to stock up on, that and wipes. I spent hours googling and trying to find out how much diapers people used in the first few months.. the answers varied. Basically I found out that every baby is different and there is no way to guess how much of everything you need... great. So I decided to wing it.

Now, according to the millions of websites, and yahoo answers I looked up, a lot of people urged not to buy to many newborn diapers, and that the children of those speaking said their babies stayed in size 2s and 3s the longest. I took it from there and at 8 months old the only diapers that were bought were bought by my mom who, seeing a good sale, couldn't pass up the opportunity to buy them for when she visits their house.

Buying diapers ahead of time

 Mila is in size 3s now and doesn't look to be changing anytime in the next couple months... but she could surprise me. I have had a about 150 size 1 diapers and another 150 size two diapers left over. Now, keep in mind, Mila was in the hospital for the first two months and they supplied all her needs there; we did bring in a couple bags though as we had so many. While in the hospital for those two months, they would change her every 3 hours exactly, so she would therefore have 8 diaper changes in a 24 hour period. There were times we would do an extra diaper change or two a day but on average she would use 8 - 10 diapers daily.

Our stock was APPROXIMATELY as follows:

Newborn: 85 -- 40 left over, hospital wouldn't use them
Size 1: 300 -- 150 or so left over
Size 2: 400 -- 150 or so left over
Size 3: 450 -- Still have about 250 left, also still in this size.
Size 4: 550
Size 5: 236

It is important to note that if Mila had not been in the hospital, she would have likely used up a majority of the diapers that we had left over.

I have looked at the Dietitians of Canada website and using the WHO growth chart along with Mila's current weight and height I attempted to determine the amount of diapers she would use over the next few months. (http://www.dietitians.ca/secondary-pages/public/who-growth-charts.aspx). We switched her over to size 3 at the beginning of June and she was sticking pretty well to the following schedule until we started adding in cloth diapers during the day.

Calculation using WHO charts, Mila's weight/height and average diaper changes per day:

6-9 months in size 3
6/day *30days * 7months = 1260 total

8+ months in size 4

5-6x/day * 30days * 8months = 1440 total

So anyways, that's how many diapers we have used thus far as well as how many we expect to have used during the next few months had we stuck to strictly disposables... I hope this entry helps others figure out how many diapers to buy ahead of time if they want to stockpile for a few months when expecting a new baby.

No Flour, Butter or Sugar - Chocolate Peanut Butter Cookies!

Alright, after my initial 'parenting ain't all it's cracked up to be' post I figured I would follow up with something a little happier so... I MADE COOKIES!

Now, these aren't the regular old chocolate chip cookies with flour, butter, eggs and sugar. Heck, before making these I didn't even consider these cookies because.. well... the ingredients are too healthy.

The recipe is one of those screen grabs that circulate around Facebook being shared by everyone and rarely being made... they're kind of just there to make you look like you eat healthy. Surprisingly, this one was actually tested out and recommended by a couple of women in my mommy group... they said it was chewy and almost like raw cookie dough. Yeah, okay... sure sure... there isn't any butter though.. or tasty things like sugar. It's literally chick peas, peanut butter, honey, baking powder and vanilla extract. And yes, that first ingredient I listed is CHICK PEAS!

Anyways... here is the screen grab I worked my magic from: 

Once you get past the ingredients it sounds pretty simple right? Well, it is.. and I took a bunch of pictures to prove it : )

                                    

 1. Collected my materials from around the kitchen, nothing fancy or anything... and I didn't have Natural peanut butter so despite the warning not to use regular.. I did anyways (I'm such a rebel!)

2. Pre-heated oven to 350.

 3. 'Ah heck, they're dry enough' chick peas. I just rinsed them in the can a few times with water took them out and poured 1 1/4c of them onto paper towel and dried them like that.

  

 4. Yeah, I'm fancy and used my baby bullet as a food processor since I don't have one. I added my 1/2c + 2tbsp of regular peanut butter along with the 1/4c of honey, 1 tspn of vanilla extract and 1tspn of baking powder.

 5. Baby bulleted the crap out of the chick pea mix... starting to look a lot more like cookie dough.

I had to stir a lot in between pulses because it just wouldn't mix in nicely... I blame the peanut butter. You can see the stir marks here... also, it might just be me, but he looks pretty pleased with himself.

 6. Added 1/2c of semi-sweet chocolate chips... maybe a little less since I couldn't help but munch on a few before pouring.

  

 7. Rolled and set them on the parchment paper. I made them a little smaller than what the recipe stated but did flatten them a little. 

8. Although the recipe says about 10 minutes, when I checked them they were still really moist and not browned... about 3 extra minutes did the trick and this is how they came out looking... not bad... they look like cookies.

9. Taste test! They actually turned out pretty good considering the ingredients... I was pretty impressed. I had the family try them when everyone was home and they passed the taste test with them also also DB said he wasn't all too fond of the texture. 

The cookies weren't of the crunchy sort though so anyone looking for that should look elsewhere. They were very moist and continued to be moist even the next day when I ate the last lonely cookie sitting on the plate.

The recipe made a total of 17 cookies, the last 5 of which I added extra vanilla and they turned out fantastic... so lesson learned, I'll double the amount of vanilla extract next time I make this recipe... and you can bet I WILL make these again since I felt a little less of a fatty gobbling these babies up.

Until next time! xo

It Ain't Easy

  It's 1:30pm on a bright sunny day in Toronto and I am sitting here writing to you to tell you that it isn't easy. Whatever your thoughts are about how motherhood will be, they will be dashed as soon as that screaming little bundle of joy comes in to the world.

 This life you have lived for 20, 30, or even 40 some-odd years, until now, has been about you. You could go to the mall, the movies and a restaurant at any time. You could make a quick trip to the corner store for some milk and actually have it BE a quick trip. You can just leave, no problem, no worries.

  Now, a lot of people go into this career thinking it will be simple. Getting a baby together doesn't take too much time, right? Changing them takes no time at all and babies sleep most of the day away anyways. Actually, you're probably going to be bored out of your mind sitting home all day with your little one. There is no way that your child will ever be a nuisance, you'll just use some of the nifty techniques you read in a book to get them quiet and BAM back to watching your favorite show. And after that show, you can go to the mall and pick out a nice new pair of shorts cause it's getting pretty warm out.

Yeah, good luck with that.

One thing I have learned in the past 6 months is that life changes in an instant. You no longer want to spend all your money on outrageous purses and outfits. Those days are over because now... now you feel guilty. You will want to spend that extra money on extra baby things. Things you probably don't need but they are just too cute to pass up. And yourself? Well. You have enough stuff as it is... do you really need more?

Another thing. There will be days when your baby will just cry for no reason whatsoever. You will try everything, rocking, playing, feeding, changing... nothing will help because in that moment, they are more interested in crying... nevermind that it's driving you up the wall. And on these days, you might even cry yourself. Heck, some days you'll cry even harder than you're little one out of sheer exhaustion and being fed up with not knowing what to do. There will be nights where you will be woken up every couple of hours because your baby just wants to eat... or be changed.. or simply just wants to do anything but sleep.

You will have advice coming out of every orifice from every person you've ever known. Whether or not they have kids won't matter. Their kids could be just born or out of the house for 20 years... it won't stop them from imparting their 'wisdom' on to you. And will that advice work? Maybe.. sometimes. Other times the advice will be so crazy it will be all you can do just to smile and nod at the oh so wise opinion giver.

And just to let you know, sometimes things won't turn out how you always pictured them. Sometimes bad things happen and you just have to deal with them. There is no way that 4 years ago you could have told me that my daughter would spend the first two months in Sick Kids.. and that by the time she was 24 hours old she would have her first surgery. I would not have believed you. But it happened. Stuff happens. It's up to you to move forward past all that bad stuff and see how great it really is to be a parent. Because there will be times when you think you won't be able to make it... there will be some really bad days. But you know what? You'll survive. You're not the first woman to find this way harder than you imagined, and you will not be the last.

Just sayin'... it ain't easy. But hell, despite all the crap, it's worth it.

This blog will be my way of getting out the feelings associated with being a mom.. with living daily life and trying to have fun with it. Sometimes I will include happy stories about overcoming barriers and other days it will be that I had a really bad day. Some days it might just be a sweet recipe I've tried out and want to share with everyone, other times my attempt at being crafty. Overall, it's just going o be my story of motherhood as it is, no sugarcoating allowed .